I have a secret to share with you.

Sometimes, I don’t always know how I feel about my son’s autism.

It seems there is a vast divide between two extremes of perspectives from parents of kids with disabilities. On the one side, there are parents who view the disability as something that makes an otherwise perfect child broken. They would desire for their child not to have any disability, if it were up to them, and struggle often against feelings of guilt for wishing their child were different. On the other side, there are parents who view their child’s disability as an integral part of their child, and that their child is perfect just the way they are. The disability doesn’t make them broken in any way. They recognize the struggle their child faces because of the disability, but would not wish it differently. Neither are wrong.

I see all kinds of articles (especially shared on Facebook) that showcase one of these two sides. When I read those articles, I often find agreement in them both, somewhere. I can empathize in some ways to both arguments. When I read the comments though, it seems there are still only two ways to view the issue. Some things I agree with on both sides, but not always fully. I don’t feel I can come down on one particular side and stand there firmly.

Because my feelings about autism change.

Often.

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