It has been a challenging few months. September last year saw everyone back at school or college for another year. But for one of ours, it has become the year that feels like one year too many. School routines, expectations and the energy needed to get along and fit in has caught up with her and it’s all become too much. It’s always been a struggle getting through the school week, but instead of struggle it became battle, and now it’s almost impossible. For Andrew and I, it has been another season of real heartbreak and heart- searching as we’ve watched our vibrant little one become withdrawn and shut everyone and everything out. Over Christmas she barely left her room, and all the rituals and traditions we have enjoyed—albeit in our own manageable way—over the years were too demanding and overwhelming this year.
When you have prayed for God’s direction in your life, and believe you have heard along with others that it’s right to step into a new season or a new ministry, you step out in trust that all the ‘little things’ will slot into place. That what the family needs to thrive will be provided. That our children who come along for the ride will be protected and their needs met. I guess sometimes watching one of your kids in pain and distress, unable to manage the challenges of everyday can lead you to doubt, or to question if you heard God’s call. And of course right alongside those doubts are the feelings of guilt and blame that as Mum you could have, should have prevented this. Fought harder, given more, done less; listened and seen better and sooner.
You just want to fix it. You desperately want your vibrant little one to feel safe and well again. The doubts throw me back onto God; I want to be shown the way—the new way where there seems to be no way. I can’t fix it, even through my very best superhuman effort or my most creative out-of-the-box thinking. Only my always-been-faithful Father God knows her through and through, and can see how life’s challenges and struggles are shaping her to be the unique world-changer she is called to be in Him. Only His love is strong and deep enough to hold her and steady her through. It’s actually me that’s along for the ride! And goodness, what a ride, what an adventure!
Source: Special Needs Parenting- Key Ministry