No matter the abilities or disabilities our child(ren) have with special needs, when they hurt, we hurt. When they struggle, we struggle, when they need help, we want to help, and when they are victorious, so are we. For those whose children are diagnosed with special needs yet with abilities to be on their own, there are different challenges to consider especially when the child finds themselves in situations difficult for them to navigate. How is the parent to navigate with them while at the same time not taking over?
Love them Unconditionally
Let them know you are always available. Likely you’ve had years of being there for them and supporting them in many ways, so letting them know you’re still there and still love them unconditionally is part of the beautiful send off! Your love may show up in helps (meals occasionally, helping make phone calls, helping gather supports they need, etc.) when asked. Always telling of your love is supportive.
Pray for them always
Hopefully your child has heard you pray for them and have experienced prayer with them over the years. Knowing this past pattern is helpful for them to know they have an open door to ask for prayer and to bring concerns, challenges, joys, and victories to you.
Let them Be on their Own
From their birth we work diligently to prepare and equip them for all of life, but at times, even when able to be launched, they will need help. A foundation of lending support in areas where they are in need without having to fix everything is what they might need. If they ask for help, your availability is a beautiful thing, but of course…without taking over.
There may be times they need to experience consequences of their own failures, actions, or decisions which is an act of love from the parent.
Let them own their issues. Let them learn from their challenges. Let them know you’ll help if you can and share your boundaries so they are fully aware of how things might look depending on their choices.
Listen Well
Listening takes time and is one of the most difficult yet best practices. Understanding what your child is saying and experiencing is the goal. If we settle on preaching, that can fall hard and end quickly. If they are already feeling discouraged and depleted, preaching can be taken as critical of their behavior(s). Instead, perhaps ask how you can help (if you are able and willing), use the phrase, “That’s interesting,” ask “Have you tried _____?,” or wait until they ask. Criticism often pushes them away. Trying to understand what led to their failure might open the willingness to ask for and/or accept your help.
Don’t Take the Blame
We should not take responsibility for choices our children and in some cases, our grandchildren with special needs may make. Helping them understand their choices and consequences are theirs to bear. If we can’t help them resolve their challenge or conflict, we might suggest professionals (bankers, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, medical personnel, etc.).
Set Your Own Boundaries
Know what your boundaries are. Write them down if you need to see and review them. Set and follow your boundaries. One of the challenges parents might experience is over-reacting to a crisis or challenge of their child by getting overly involved. Standing firm in your willingness to help and support is imperative.
Our role as a parent is to give, love, accept, encourage, and guide our children, yet we must be diligent to care for our own health and well-being, too. For those who are married, keep your marriage strong. Single or married, all parents must maintain a life of friends, travel, hobbies, work, etc. required for a full and vibrant life of our own. As we help our children fulfill their hopes and dreams, and as we do the same for ourselves, we can enjoy the best of both worlds.
HELP IS ON THE WAY: A NEW BOOK by Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini is being written for Moody Publishing to encourage and equip parents who have a child with special needs! Additionally, they have written: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey. They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs, have spoken nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at:
www.cindiferrini.com and via social media at:
www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini
The post 6 Helps When Launching Capable Adult Children with Special Needs appeared first on Key Ministry.
Source: Special Needs Parenting- Key Ministry
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