When my children were young, I once confessed to my mom that sometimes I longed to get a cold or the flu—nothing serious, but just bad enough to force me into bed so I could get some much-needed rest. I thought my mom would laugh, but instead, she surprised me by saying that she took things a step further. As a mother of six, she used to fantasize about getting arrested, because then she would be in prison, locked up alone with nothing to do but sleep.
Sometimes when you have a house full of toddlers and preschoolers, it’s hard to think about anything beyond the immediate exhaustion. I’m thankful for the wise women who empathized with the demands of motherhood while they encouraged me in long-term parenting investments. These efforts may be harder in the moment but offer rich rewards in the coming years.
Taking Time to Meet With God. I remember playing a children’s Bible song CD while my firstborn pushed his cars around the floor, giving me a few short minutes to work on Bible study and prayer. There were many days when I closed my eyes instead or reached for the phone rather than meeting with the Lord. Sometimes I daydream during my prayer or was so crabby that it all felt a little staged. Other times I had to assume I was experiencing divine interruptions when a sick baby or a need for extra cuddles crowded out those minutes of prayer and study. But by and large, I kept fighting for the habit, and as my kids got older, I was surprised that I needed it even more. Being a mom got easier physically but harder mentally. My kids’ questions were harder, their worlds got bigger, and there were more influences in their lives. That habit of seeking God’s wisdom became more critical with teenagers than I’d expected.
Teaching Kids About Authority. Help your children learn to respect authority. Our kids don’t benefit from our taking their side every time they get in trouble or experience a perceived offense from a coach or teacher. Yes, it’s tempting to chime in and say, “You’re right, that’s ridiculous,” but you’re better off letting them think critically about the situation and determine the right path with guidance.
For instance, my husband played and coached a lot of sports and knows the tendency for kids and parents to blame favoritism and politics at every turn. Our kids, all basketball players, learned early on he had no sympathy for their complaints when his simple answer was always, “Well, play better.” He is teaching them they aren’t going to find a sympathetic ear for their grumbling or an advocate who will talk to the coach for them. He will spend hours with them in the driveway, working on technique and encouraging them, but he’s not talking to the coach. No way.
We take the same approach with teachers. One of our daughters was struggling in third grade because her teacher was reading a book to the class that our daughter thought was too scary. We encouraged her to talk to the teacher about her feelings. The teacher was not convinced to stop reading the book, but we still didn’t step in. Sometimes the answer is no and our kids need to respect that no.
If we truly thought our child was in danger, we would have gotten involved. But too many parents make that move too soon.
We are not perfect, of course, but when our kids don’t get put in the game, they don’t blame it on the coach, and when they find out who their teacher is for the year, it doesn’t occur to them to talk about whether they got the one they wanted. The way you talk about coaches, teachers, and pastors has a big impact on how your kids relate to the people who call the shots.
Building Relationships. We began parenting with the hope that if we invested in connections with our kids, somehow it would help us get through the hard stuff. We regularly look for those opportunities to connect. For instance, if one of my daughters tells me how much she loves a book and ends the conversation with “You should read it,” I make sure it’s the next book on my reading list. Let me just say that it’s a challenge to get through a chapter book where the main character is a mermaid kitten.
Now that we are well into teen years, we are seeing the rewards. It doesn’t always work seamlessly; they’re teenagers and they’re human. But as conflicts come up, we see that our relationship-building has not gone to waste. Recently, I said something that offended my son. He asked if he could talk to me for a minute, told me what my mistake was, and allowed me to offer a response. I apologized and he accepted, and he resumed his normal, friendly interactions with me.
Finding a Praying Mom. About a decade ago, one of my friends suggested the two of us, plus another mom, begin regularly praying for each other’s kids. We’ve bonded through our years-long text conversation, plenty of long talks, and some frantic phone conversations when situations have become serious.
Being a mom is a lonely job sometimes, so don’t wait to gather a prayer team of moms. It’s easier to find your friends who will pray with you for the long haul when your kids are young. For some reason, it’s easier to connect with another mom over spit-up stains and sleepless nights before the busyness of school and sports begins. So, get your crew together. You’re going to need it.
Modeling Service. When our young kids see us serving, it tells them, “This is what we do.” They’ll see us scrambling to make phone calls when one of the kids is running a fever and we need someone to cover for us. They will also see that sometimes you eat dinner early to get to a volunteer commitment, or you make double lasagna because someone had surgery.
When my oldest was born, I romanticized the season and pulled away from service. It caused me to be too isolated. When you volunteer, those quick phone calls or chats in the hallway do more than set up the logistics of your service. You end up checking in for a minute about your week or sharing a quick moment of camaraderie and it helps you thrive.
There’s a sweet spot when your kids are young. If you’re too busy, you miss those great moments of snuggling together in the early morning or enjoying regular family dinners. But when you aren’t serving at all, you send a message to your kids that service is only done when it doesn’t cost anything or cause any inconvenience, and that’s not quite right either.
Onward
Now I’m watching those wise women who were a few steps ahead of me in parenting become empty nesters, mothers-in-law, and even grandmas. I’m seeing how they keep praying faithfully for a daughter to discern whether a young man is right for her, for a son who’s debating a career change.
I also see how they don’t toss aside their clipboard and stop organizing the children’s event at church just because their own kids have aged out of the program. These habits and disciplines aren’t for a season; they’re for faithful service, no matter our stage of life.
In Philippians 1:9–11, Paul prayed for believers to have abounding love, insight, discernment, and righteous living with the reward of praise and glory to God. These are not the products of quick work. Even when we’d rather hole up in our sweats, his prayer encourages us to continue to pursue eternity-focused parenting.
This article was originally published in Family Fusion Fall 2022. For more articles like this one go here.
The post Disciplines for Eternity-Based Parenting appeared first on D6 Family.
Source: Splink
Write a comment: