A parent or caregiver of someone with special needs, needs the ability to bounce back. There was a time we asked each other, “What would it take (not that we want to experience it) for us to hit a breaking point?” We don’t have a list of times we thought we were close, but we do have a few stories that stick with us to help us remember not to quit when things are rough. Here are a few ways we kept mindful of the ability to bounce back:
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Every life and marriage has challenges and difficulties. Most of us feel that certain things won’t or shouldn’t happen to us, but we aren’t exempt. Accepting those challenges (finances, death, trauma, health, calamities, etc.) is necessary to move from challenge to victory.
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Staying and keeping calm is important. If every time something happens (no matter how small or large) we get wound up, have high pitched voices, crying, and panicking, we will have a hard time finding a solution.
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Blaming others isn’t helpful. Perhaps we can start to look at a solution and not the blame. Problems come and go, but when we blame others, that sticks and often hurts. Relationships need to stay strong and blaming hinders those relationships
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Grumbling and complaining isn’t helpful. Words either help or hinder. Using encouraging words that build each other up is what will sustain us in the middle of tough times.
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Circumstances don’t often change, so we need to. A change to a positive attitude always wins.
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Instead of “Why me/us?” ask “What can we learn?” There is always a learning curve but when you come out the other side it shows a maturity level that is healing through a hard time.
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We need each other. We must mutually respect and yield to each other without our pride getting in the way, that way we are supportive and helpful.
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When able, push the pause button. Get back to the topic, challenge, or difficulty when some time passes if even a few hours.
There was a time that Joey had many consecutive grand mal seizures throughout the day and night. (35 or so come to mind) He experienced a stiff body that went into jerking all his limbs without being conscious of any of it. When the seizure ended, he was lethargic and out of it for hours. It was an exhausting day for him, his sisters, and us as parents. Cindi expressed being ready to give up saying, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” Joe, calmly responded, “Let’s give it until tomorrow and see how things look; they’ll look better.” He was right. Sometimes we need to take the boiling pot off the burner and let it sit. Let things calm down and come back to what needs attention later.
As we put into practice these thoughts and ideas, we will be able to work through challenges and in doing so we learn to bounce back sooner rather than later, and the sooner the better!
HELP IS ON THE WAY: A NEW BOOK by Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini is being written for Moody Publishing to encourage and equip parents who have a child with special needs! Additionally, they have written: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey. They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs, have spoken nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at:
www.cindiferrini.com and via social media at:
www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini
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Source: Special Needs Parenting- Key Ministry
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