In 2012, I found my daydreams of motherhood shattered, replaced with several diagnoses for both of my boys and a slew of endless appointments. Every few months, one of them would receive yet another diagnosis, which would send me into yet another cycle of grief. Each diagnosis also amplified my anxiety, sending me researching on Google like crazy and adding even more appointments to our schedule. Anxiety and depression took turns settling in and making themselves cozy.
I found myself constantly asking God “Why?” and never got an answer. I was desperate for God to show up in my life, but also a little bitter about the life He had given me, His silence, and His distance when I needed it the most.
And then, when I felt I was at my absolute breaking point, God whispered one word that broke the silence and banished the anxiety and grief that had gripped my heart for so long.
Embrace what? I wondered.
And for the next hour or so, God revealed area after area of my life that I needed to embrace. I wish I had written it at all down at the time, but I don’t think my pen would have flown across the pages fast enough. I was convicted. Encouraged. Loved by the God of the universe.