It was 12:30 in the morning and I was lying in bed, wide awake. I had managed to fall asleep for a few minutes but for some reason woke up. Sleep did not come, so I finally went downstairs, made a cup of tea, went into my home office and got to work. I knew I would likely be worthless the next day, after not sleeping, so I reasoned that I should get a jump on my goals to compensate for that.
At 4 am, I finally pulled myself away from my desk and headed to bed, while I braced myself for the official start of the day that would be coming shortly. The morning’s coffee would need to be stronger than normal.
When I got up, I took the dogs on a little walk, drank my first cup of coffee and read the Bible. The grogginess cleared and negativity took its place. I found myself not engaging in conversation with my boys, being controlling over dumb things and over-reacting to little things.
I was downright surly and didn’t even want to be around myself. Can you relate? It would have been easy for me to justify my attitude and actions to myself by blaming it on lack of sleep and stress over the work that needed to be done but those would have just been excuses.
At a particularly ugly point, I finally stepped back. I sat down in a chair, prayed and just breathed. As I prayed, I confessed my negativity and lack of lovingness and asked for help. I thought through my attitude and the circumstances around it.
Source: Special Needs Parenting- Key Ministry
