It was a Sunday afternoon in mid-March; I found myself parked in the driveway of my now ex-wife’s house. I had just dropped off my son after having him for the weekend, as it was my time with him, according to our parenting agreement. I no sooner put the car in reverse and began to pull away than I heard the declaration come out of the Illinois governor’s mouth on the radio during a COVID-19 briefing: all restaurants, cafes and bars were to be closed indefinitely at the end of the day on Monday. This sent immediate concern racing through my body, and without hesitation, I pulled over and called my ex-wife, informing her of the governor’s order.
You might not think that such a proclamation would generate a feeling of worry or fear, especially because grocery stores and pharmacies would still be open, and delivery service continued. But when you have a special needs child with autism, mass closings of this nature are more than just a minor inconvenience. My son very much enjoys his outings, especially since being at home for two weeks because schools were closed.
When my son is stuck at home for such an extended period, a break to go to one of his favorite restaurants for lunch or dinner is a nice way to provide some normalcy, now that his routines have been upended. Now, with nowhere else to go except for—essentially—outside, an added layer of complication had just been introduced. In our case, it was a lucky break, since he loves being outside so much.
Children like ours don’t just “do better” with routines and structure, they require it, thrive on it, and find peace and security with it, so adding to the list of closed locations is not a welcome sight. On top of all of that, my son now transitions between two homes, and we have just begun to introduce that as part of his routine. However, now his transition will come with a strict reminder that we have to go straight to mom or dad’s house, and no stops in between.
This is just a mild peek into the world of quarantine when you are not only the parent of a special needs child, but more specifically, a single parent of a special needs child. I want to be very clear: the dynamic I have with my child and soon to be ex-wife is overall a healthy one, as we are both in our child’s life and are very supportive of each other as parents. That is not the case for many of you, as there are plenty of single parents reading this for whom the other parent is not present in your child’s life, and your relationship may not be healthy. I want to express my sensitivity to those of you who find yourselves in situations even more challenging than mine right now. But in the same way we as special needs parents deal with a whole variety of issues that are not always specific to each other, we also need to realize that there are factors present in this time of quarantine that we will just understand better. It is with that sentiment that I want to share some ideas and perspective on this time as a new single parent of an autistic child and how I, and more importantly, we as a family still, are coping.
Source: Special Needs Parenting- Key Ministry
