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Founder and CEO of The reThink Group, Reggie Joiner, joins host, Kristen Ivy, to talk about why honesty — and parents being a safe place for kids — will shape kids’ future relationships and the way they see themselves.

YOUR CUE

• Be a safe place for your kids. Your kids need to understand your love for them is unconditional and that nothing they’ve done or will ever do can change that. Most lies are told due to fear of disappointing others. Let your kids know that you’re disappointed in their behavior, not them. Remain calm when they choose to tell you the truth.
• Reward their honesty. What gets rewarded gets repeated. When your child tells you the truth, say, “Thank you for telling me the truth. I know that wasn’t an easy thing to do.” Then, follow up with appropriate discipline.
• Resist the urge to demand your kids be honest with you. As your kids grow older, they’ll be more inclined to share their truths with other people. As much as that hurts for you as their parent, it’s actually a good thing. Encourage your kid to tell the truth to someone you both trust.

EPISODE RECAP

You know you’ve been there: You know your kid is up to something they shouldn’t be, and you surprise them with a, “Aha! I caught you!” as if there is some parenting prize to be won by catching your kid in the act of disobedience. Although this might feel like a victory, it’s actually more detrimental to your relationship with your kid in the long run.

How?

Well, let’s talk about honesty for a moment. We all know it’s a goal of ours as parents to teach our kids honesty. But here’s the ultimate goal: The goal isn’t to keep our kids from lying. Our goal is to help our kids feel safe enough to tell the truth.

When we are a safe place for our kids (see how that surprise sneak attack could make them feel unsafe?), it makes them feel comfortable with sharing, even in uncomfortable situations. When your child feels comfortable being transparent, whether it’s with you or someone you both trust, it allows them to have deeper relationships with not only you, but others who will come into their lives later on.

In today’s episode, you’ll learn the best way to approach your child when you find them being disobedient, how to reinforce that they can always come to you no matter what, and how there’s a direct correlation between lying and trusting others.

QUOTES IN THIS EPISODE

“Honesty strengthens a relationship. Dishonesty weakens a relationship. —@kristen_ivy
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“The goal isn’t to keep your kids from lying. Our goal is to help them feel safe enough so they…
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“When you lie a lot, you trust other people less. —@reggiejoiner
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VOICES IN THIS EPISODE

REGGIE JOINER

Founder and CEO of the rethink Group.

CARLOS WHITTAKER

Carlos is an author, speaker, and content creator living in Nashville, TN with his wife Heather and 3 kids Sohaila, Seanna, and Losiah. He is addicted to social media, his wife’s enchiladas, and is determined to have his daughters teach him to land a backflip on the trampoline by the time he is 45.

KRISTEN IVY

Kristen is the Executive Director of Messaging at Orange, Director of The Phase Project, and co-author of Playing For Keeps and It’s Just a Phase – So Don’t Miss It. She combines her degree in secondary education with a Master of Divinity and lives with her husband, Matt, and their three children, Sawyer,  Hensley, and Raleigh, in Cumming, GA.

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