The sign took me by surprised. My first reaction out loud to my husband was, “The perks we ‘get’ having a handicapped son!” We chuckled, and gave thanks for what we called “a perk”—free and convenient parking!
We realize that over time, some wonderful things have come about that really do help us in this special needs journey. But while helpful, we also look upon some of them with different thoughts. Sometimes we’ve felt like we were pitied. Other times, we look back being puzzled, and yet most of all, we are pleased! Let’s walk through our list together!
This list won’t be totally inclusive, but the needs we have for our family—and maybe yours—include handicaps that are
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Physical
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Visual
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Intellectual
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Hearing
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Neurological
…for a start.
A few things that first popped into our minds as things that help individuals with disabilities:
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Handicapped parking signs
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Ramps
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Road signs for “deaf children at play” and “blind person’s crossing”
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Pathways of cement for motorized and other wheelchair vehicles
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Leveled curbs
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Braille notations in elevators, at doors and other entrances
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Electronic door and drapery openers and more
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Sinks and counters at wheelchair height
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Toilets that are taller than normal
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Family bathrooms in public places.
When you look at this list—and we know you could add a lot more of your own to this list we have started—do you find these things are helpful, or do you sometimes feel pitied because of dealing with a handicapped person/child? We have felt at different times:
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“We’ve been given a delightful perk!”
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“When you talk to us a certain demeaning ways, we feel you ‘pity’ us.”
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“When you act a certain way or ask a certain kind of question, we’re puzzled!”
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“When you are kind and thoughtful, we are always pleased.”
For us, you, and anyone who reads this (maybe it’s a good time to share this with family and friends!)….here are a few things to consider:
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PERKS – We really have experienced a lot of perks with and for our son Joey. We often call him our “free” magnet. So many kind people have recognized his love for sports and have blessed him with a hat, shirt, or some fun item that he will truly enjoy! It’s so nice when others take the time to notice what Joey likes, and engage him in a bit of conversation.
The perk isn’t always a gift. I recall one lovely gentleman at a gathering engaging with Joey about sports. I know how this goes, with Joey’s very low verbal abilities. As I watched from a distance, I waited for the right timing to rescue this wonderful man so he didn’t feel awkward. I thanked him with some kind words, helped to interpret a bit, thanked him for his kindness and helped him to move on to another conversation with others, so he didn’t feel trapped. We’ve also had perks that have moved us up in line, or other helpful actions when people really “get” how hard long waits can be for one with sensory issues. Some things that can be difficult include lots of people yelling, children running around, not able to tolerate the hot sun for a long time due to reactions to medicines and other ‘invisible’ issues; the list goes on. Suffice it to say, those who’ve noticed us in these way, have been so very appreciated for making the effort to make our life a little easier. Often, when a person with special needs has physically, mentally, or emotionally had all they can take, caregivers can’t always predict that timing, and it becomes very difficult to turn the page back to a nicer story. Meltdowns are so very predictable in a very unpredictable way! So perks lighten our own mental and emotional health, too! THANK YOU!
