I walk around the crowded store following the arrows that dictate my path. If people are smiling around me, I cannot tell. The cloth masks we wear to protect against COVID-19 obscure our faces.
As soon as it is safe outside, I rip the facial mask off. I take a deep breath and feel instant relief. My state requires facial coverings while out in public, and I am not sure that I will ever get accustomed to them. But there are some invisible masks I am more than comfortable wearing.
Most days, I wear the “I’m fine” mask. This is such a common accessory for me that I no longer notice when I am wearing it. It is a mask that I have used for years to protect myself and keep people at a distance. Through countless situations in motherhood, “I’m fine,” has been my mantra.
When a challenging behavior happens in public with my daughter with special and medical needs, my “I’m fine” mask feels like it is going to slip off. Watchful eyes around me assess our predicament while I try to manage the behaviors. There is a nervous laugh and fake smile to go with my mask in these situations. I tell myself that everything is under control even though it is clearly not. The “I’m fine” mask is worn just as much for me as it is for other people.
When asked how I am, “I’m fine” is often the response I give to people. I assume most people do not want to know the nitty gritty of our daily struggles. I refrain from telling others about my panicky moments and the heartaches in medical emergencies. There are times when the mask slips off, and I share my heart with someone. The results of these genuine conversations are mixed. The bad experiences make me want to put my mask back on and never remove it again.
Source: Special Needs Parenting- Key Ministry
