“Behold, now is the acceptable time; now is the day of salvation.” 2 Corinthians 6:2b
It is Wednesday, August 29, and the walnut tree has already begun her letting go. Yellow leaves spiral gently to the ground. Joel stands at the kitchen window, transfixed.
“The trees are falling,” he whispers, his voice wonder-filled.
Fall is Joel’s favorite season. He can stand for great blocks of time—this child with virtually no attention span—and be transported into some other realm of existence as the trees go about their business of letting go.
I set the laundry basket on the table and join him. The lazy, swirling movement of the leaves is mesmerizing.
“Yes, the trees are falling,” I agree absentmindedly, for once not correcting his word choice.
I stand as if in a dream, my mind far away. I have been finding it more and more difficult to live in the present moment, my brain forever whizzing into the future. What if Joel’s school year is a repeat of last year’s disaster? What if the new meds don’t work? What if his aggression gets worse? What if I can’t handle the stress any longer? Where will he live as an adult? How will we handle letting him go out into the world, this child we’ve tended so carefully—this child who has cost us so much in energy and patience—this child who has gifted us so freely with love?
Watching the golden wings of walnut leaves helicopter to the ground, I am suddenly filled with a dread of the dark, dank days of winter to come. Picking up the laundry basket, I pull myself away from the view as well as the thought.
I put the clothes away and come back to the kitchen, only to find that Joel has left his window watch. I call his name.
Source: Special Needs Parenting- Key Ministry
