Whether we’re talking about our marriage relationship or relationships with friends, acquaintances or someone we’ve just met, I believe we have mastered the art of monologue and have no real idea how to have a genuinely sincere conversation. What we are about to uncover is also applicable to meetings, IEP’s, meeting someone for the first time, taking to neighbors, so basically every conversation we will have.
While writing this piece I wanted to give it a strong emphasis on the “special needs” component of conversation, but realize it’s universal and people need to learn how to converse with everyone, all the time, and no matter what is going on in their lives. We all have some special need going on in our life! The word “converse” means to interact, which means to go back and forth with another person, not just one person doing all the talking. That is a monologue. And usually at the end of an evening of monologue, you might ask the question, “Gee, what did they even ask us to learn something about us. They talked all night and know nothing about us. They never even asked us a question!”
Think about it. When was the last time someone asked you about you? Or, putting the shoe on our own foot, when was the last time you asked someone about them? Often people ask me/us how Joey (our son with special needs) is doing, but seldom (I can’t even think of a time) when someone truly asked how we were doing about changes or challenges as it related relates to him. That is 38 years of mostly just saying things that pacify the question, but don’t dig deep enough to allow us to share much of anything. I guess we get to do that when we are speaking in front of an audience, but that is an entirely different venue of communication than friend to friend or spouse to spouse. And when was the last time someone truly inquired because they cared, or did you feel they were cranking up to share with you what they had on their mind and what was happening in their life?
Perhaps you have that one person in your life—maybe more—who always has a comment to your comment. If you hurt your arm, they hurt theirs in 1992 and they needed an MRI and then they were out of commission for six weeks; they needed to have help showering and the litany goes on and on. At that point you stop and just listen to the monologue, especially if you don’t want to “compete!”
I realize that not every conversation is going to be lovely banter back and forth. In friendships and especially in marriage, sometimes one of us gets the mic for a long period of time in one setting, and then hopefully the next time; we take turns and let the other person get a chance to talk, vent, rant, rattle on and on, and such. That is still conversation just very extended.
The idea is this: ONE PERSON SHOULD NOT DO ALL THE TALKING. Here are things a talker can start to learn:
Source: Special Needs Parenting- Key Ministry
